Why are you having a child?

I write this for myself to read in the future.

Why are you having a child?

This question is a core question that I’m always invested to ask whenever I see a mother, although it never came to the surface. I’m always curious as to why somebody has a child. One can be a result of an “unexpected” event, but the others must be the results of awake full decisions. 

What makes someone decide on having a child?

I understand within the society, especially where I come from, Indonesia, some people simply getting married when they’re in a certain range of age, which considered as marriage-ready-age and the next path would obviously be having children. But have they ever asked themselves why do they have to have a child? I got married when I was 22 and my husband was 23. Have to say, we got married pretty young. But I could never bring myself to decide on having a child. Looking back now, I always knew I wanted to get married young but never knew when would I be ready on having a child, although I never really prevented it from happening. Don’t mean to blame it all on trauma, but bet it was.

I’ve seen first hand many children being neglected and not being raised in a proper environment. Seeing children being abused physically and mentally, this broke my heart for so long. I couldn’t help myself but think, why would many people in the world want to have a child, while these children are here on earth, without proper care? How can I be selfish enough to bring another human being on earth knowing these children are being neglected? Isn’t that so unfair? Why can’t I just take care of them instead of bringing another soul?

All these ideas, I’ve spoken to my husband. He never belittle these ideas. However, I knew he has lots of love to give and it only makes sense for him to be keen on having at least one of his own before we ever start on taking other in. We had long talks, and by long i mean 7 years, until I started to consider his side. Long story short, I’ve given birth last year to the most beautiful soul I’ve met. 

From there I realise the answer to my own question.

I’m a having a child to learn how to love and raise children. To experience it myself, therefore in the future when the time and opportunity come for me to care for those unfortunate children, I have the knowledge. 

Therefore I would be able to love them just like my own one day, because I know how it feels to love my own. So I can sense and alert myself if I’m ever treating them any different.

I know it feels like a far away future, but it will forever be in my mind and heart. An idea that i’ll be longing to.

Sydney. June 2022