So Much More Than a Pretty Face

photo taken by: @miftahulhaqq

It’s actually one annoying, annoying topic to be written.

If you’ve been reading my blog, you’ll know that I wrote a little bit about how in my childhood times I was over-shadowed by my older sister. Not that she was intended to, it just happened to be she was more in everything than me. We were only 1.5 years apart, and the society seemed to have the urge to compare one sister to another. Sigh. I know.

So my father’s grandfather was originally from Yemen. In Indonesia, we simply call the middle-eastern people as “arab”, doesn’t matter which country they are from. My mother, in the other hand, is pure Indonesian blood. That makes me a mixed blood. In my family, some of my siblings do look more like arabs, but some look more like Indonesian.

My older sister’s face features in this case, takes so much after my dad. Thick eyebrows, pointed nose, tapering eyelashes, thick and lumpy lips. While me, not so much. So whenever our family went to my Dad’s relatives, that would be the uncomfortable time for my younger self. I would receive comments such,

“Oh Aisyah doesn’t look like her sister.”

“Aisyah has a pug nose.”

“Look, your eyebrow’s not like your sister, you don’t look like us.”

“Aisyah is sweet, but her sister is pretty. You know.”

Like seriously, why would you said such things to a 7 years old girl. These things have destroyed my self-esteem when I was little.

As a result, I became a beauty driven. I was too focused on my appearances. Since high school, I have started drawing my eyebrows, when flicks eyebrows were not even a thing back then. That was 2006. I used mascara to make my lashes had more volume. All of this to what? To look more a bit like my sister, like them.

For you who have been with me since a long time, you’d know how I would never leave home without drawing my eyebrows. Not a single chance, even only to the market. I guess it had become a standard to me that if I had thick eyebrows, I would be accepted.

I remember on my early marriage’s times, my husband would ask me,

“Why do you have to draw your eyebrow? I think you look more beautiful without them.”

And every single time he said that to me, I would take him as silly. Also when my friends told me I was pretty, I would throw their compliments away. I couldn’t accept the fact that someone with no thick eyebrow is pretty. Because I wasn’t called pretty, I was only called “sweet”. That was how I developed an obsession over thick eyebrows. 

It’s dangerous how things you say to a little girl could affect her whole life. As for me, I have finally able to overcome my obsession. It was probably 3 years ago. I sat down in front of my mirror. Looked into my bare face and my 75 kilograms body’s shape. I have no idea what started it, but I suddenly had that thought,

“Wow, you’ve been really harsh to yourself. You’re not ugly, honestly. You’re alright. Instead of keep trying hard to look like them, why don’t you embrace what you have?”

It was a delightful moment. From that moment forwards, I no longer feel any needs to draw my eyebrows every single time. Yes I still draw them and put on make-ups on lots of occasions, but it’s no longer the super-thick-black ones. I also manage to go out without putting anything on my face at all, most of the times.

I have lost 15 kg since that moment, but it is not for anyone. It is for my own health and comforts.

I no longer have any drives to look like anyone, to up to any standards, nor to be accepted. I no longer feel any less when I go out with my bare face.

A woman is so much more than her pretty face and her body.

So please, stop giving us compliments ONLY regarding our faces and bodies. Praise us for our values and thoughts, or for our efforts and works. Stop expecting us to look as our best shapes all the time. And this should start from a very early age.

Stop it here so we’re not passing it down to the next generations.

That would save our societies and civilizations.