Be Her Every Step of the Way

photo taken by: @miftahulhaqq

When I was little, I was this under-the-radar type of kid. My mother in law keeps saying to me that she can’t picture me as a kid. She didn’t know I existed, even considering she used to live only two houses apart from me. Yes that’s true, I married my ex-neighbor. But she does remember my older sister. That’s absolutely isn’t a surprise to me because my older sister was like the super famous kid on the block. She got a very strong personality, a mature behavior, and a leadership skill. Oh, and if that’s not convincing enough, she also always (underline here, always) got first rank in her class. 

I think it’s safe to say that I was growing up as her shadow. Everywhere I went, people would say, “Oh you are maryam’s sister?”, “Oyy maryam’s sister!”, no body seemed to remember my name. This is not a miserable story, bare with me as I do have a point to deliver. So when I entered junior high, came my rebellious times. I felt so tired being someone no body knew and worked my ass-off to be acknowledged. 

I remember clearly there was a girl named Anggi. She was outgoing, extra extrovert, and super bright person. She was the class’s center of attention. And the 13-years-old-me decided to become someone like her. I tried so hard to copy her. I pushed my self to be an extrovert and I was succeeded. One time in my teenage life, I told my friend I needed a self-confidence course as I was lacking, but she immediately scolded me and said, “The hell sah! You don’t need it, you’re the most outspoken person I’ve ever met.” As to this day, if I’m saying such idea, the feedback would be the same.

Truth is, deep within, I always know I’m an introvert, a potato couch. My forever comfy spot will always be my bed, alongside my comic books. If I’m going out, I’d rather go to those painting exhibitions than going to a space where I’d be exposed. And as much as I love meeting people and talk, I will always need a time to recharge my battery after. It exhausted me, eventhough doesnt mean I hate it. I love talking and sharing session, because there’ll always something I can pick-up to implement. But I’d prefer it to be an intimate one, eyes to eyes, heart to heart.

This is an important thing to write for me, because I believe there are many people who trapped into personalities that they’re not. For the sake of being liked, being acknowledged. There are people who’re encouraging a life motto, “Fake it till you make it!”, but to me honestly you’re just telling people to kill their real selves. More to say, this society really has gone mad. All this social media things where everyone’s taking photos of them laughing and having a great life, don’t envy it. Every golfcourse is green until you find the dog shits hiding. Trust me, they’re struggling behind. 

Whatever happens to you,

Love your own life.

Love your own self.

Do not impersonate others.

You’re killing the real you inside.

Save her.

Get to know her better.

Be her every step of the way.

With love,

Aysa